20?

yes, you heard it right. i, ronnie lynn frizzell jr am no longer a teenager. i am 20 years old as of friday. i had a great time hanging with the guys and celebrating. in the past, i’ve viewed this day as pretty much just another day. one that comes and goes, just like any other day. i mean, yea, i did have some great celebrations with family and friends previously. but this year, i decided this day could be just another day, or it could also signify something more than just blowing out a candle on a delicious carrot cake at j alexanders. which, by the way, if you have never had the pleasure of trying their carrot cake, get up. this post will still be here when you get back. find out the nearest location of the restaurant and experience life in it’s fullest form.

anyways, i was not even focused on having some type of life-altering thoughts or events that night. i envisioned a great night of fellowship, food, fires, and cigars. which, all occurred by the way. but i was not even ready for what God had planned. he spoke. through a good friend of mine. he said, “how do you feel about your life 20 years into it? and what is one thing you would like to do differently this next year? i sat there, stuffed with the pecan crusted trout i had just enjoyed, not even wanting to ponder anything that took an ounce of energy. i muffled a couple of words in my brain, but nothing of any value came out. i decided to postpone the answer by telling him i would have an answer for him by the end of the night.

as the night progressed, i realized a couple of things. one of which, i realized why i am in nashville. not solely because of the great education, or a cool job, but simply because i have found a community of guys to do life with. to converse with. to joke with. to have numerous “that’s what she said…” moments. to love. and to struggle with. i have richly been blessed by the community of believers that God has immersed my life in.

the next day i sat down in bongo java. opened my bible. i was directed to a passage that i believe the Lord had picked out for me on this specific day for a specific reason. if you ask me, God’s timing, however long it may take, proves his sovereignty and existence in His children’s lives. i found this in Hebrews 6…

“therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity…” (6:1)

i was absolutely floored by what paul stated. i was still and just listened. i began processing the question my friend had asked and it stirred within me. not the type of stir that pleasantly starts, but the one that racks your soul. the one that sickens your stomach to the point of the possibility of ending up with your head in a trashcan blowing chunks because you are so sickened by the thoughts racing through your brain.

i love these moments.

because at these moments are the times in my life where i find God showing up the most. i then realized why it had taken God so long to take His words, which i had read many times before, and have me turn them into action. God moved me to action. i realized my 20 years of existence up to this point had been fun, crappy, joyous, and inconsistent all at the same time. i realized that i have been in elementary school in my faith for the past 7 years of my life as i called myself a “Christ follower.” i realized that God wants more. i realized my life could amount to so much more, if i would just stop being a kid in my faith, and allow God to mature me. i realized that there have been days, weeks, and sometimes months where i kept my heart in the word, but then slowly attempted at doing life as a loner relying on my own wisdom, or lack thereof, and finally ended in a broken spirit clinging for God to reconstruct me. i am sick of being inconsistent.

i know this is a little later than i promised, but to finally answer my friends question. my life to this point, i wouldn’t change for the world. i have lived. learned. grieved. laughed. hurt. loved. etc. but now, i am ready to mature. i am ready allow Christ to continue in the work he started in my heart when i first called his name.

what will i do differently this next year? who knows. i would love to say that i will be in the word everyday and will never falter, but i think i would be setting myself for immediate failure in saying that. because i know this will not be the last time God breaks me and reconstructs me. i would love to mature in my walk with the Lord daily, because i know in doing this, i will truly have peace. i will truly have hope. and i will truly have life. i would encourage you to be still. because in the moments we are still. God is not.

i found this beautiful piece of art in the dining/devotional room at the orphanage i stayed at this past summer in Cameroon.